


Catafalque

by skelesung



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Bang Chan is a Good Friend, Dead People, Death Positive, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Funeral Home AU, Han Jisung | Han & Lee Felix are Best Friends, Han Jisung | Han is a Good Friend, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Medical Procedures, Mentions of Death, Minho Ships It, Minor Han Jisung | Han/Hwang Hyunjin, Minor panic attacks, Mortuary AU, Mutual Pining, Needles, No Character Death, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Pining, Shy Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Soft Lee Felix (Stray Kids), Wakes & Funerals, death talk, explicit descriptions of embalming, explicit descriptions of post-mortem practices, funeral director!chan, mortician!felix, realistic depiction of death work, references to mortuary tasks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-15 02:20:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28680987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skelesung/pseuds/skelesung
Summary: Catafalque: A raised bier, box or similar platform used to support the casket/coffin of the deceased during a funeral. A pedestal to place a loved one on.Felix is used to the feeling of cold steel and colder bodies. His skills with a trocar are second to none. Why would Chan, with his charismatic smile and heart of gold, like someone like him?Mortuary AU/Funeral Home AU, Chanlix, mortician!felix, funeral director!chan. NO character death. Switching perspectives.TW/CW: References to funerals, death and the deceased. Descriptions of post-mortem procedures (embalming, cremation). Mentions of surgical tools (needles etc). Eventual mentions of alcohol.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix
Comments: 13
Kudos: 73





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Howdy!  
> This one is going to be a bit different, but the idea has been playing on my mind for a while now and it's about time I turned it into something!  
> I wanted to set this in a funeral home firstly because mortuary care is my dream job, but mostly because I wanted to play with the idea of them pining for unique reasons, and the way that could all play out. Hopefully it reads more 'Pushing Daisies' than darkfic though aaah! 
> 
> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoy! <3 
> 
> !!! TW/CW: References to funerals, death and the deceased. Descriptions of post-mortem procedures (embalming, cremation). Mentions of surgical tools (needles etc). Eventual mentions of alcohol.

_***_

_Catafalque: A raised bier, box or similar platform used to support the casket/coffin of the deceased during a funeral. A pedestal to place a loved one on.  
  
_

_***_

_‘_ _Sun is shinin’ in the sky, there ain’t a cloud in sight…’  
  
Clunk. Schick.  
_Fluorescent bulbs cast a harsh light on the table, illuminating Felix’s skilled hands as he placed the needle injector down on the steel bench, before turning back to the table to begin manoeuvring eye caps into place. Humming away to his favourite playlist, he finished up the task, taking extra care to make sure the facial features were set into a comfortable semi-smile.

Felix had always wanted to be a mortician, ever since he was twelve. He could vividly remember the first funeral he attended, being walked up to the glistening timber casket to say goodbye to a relative he’d only met once or twice and didn’t really remember. He remembers the car ride home after the service, young mind filled with questions that he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to ask, his contemplative expression spurring his mother on to start the conversation.

“Lixie, are you okay? What are you thinking about?”

“Mum, what happens to you after you die?” Felix asked.

Felix’s mother paused for a moment, eyes not leaving the road. “Well, if you’re a good person you go to heaven, and-“

“No, I mean, what happens to your _body_?” Felix interjected, creating an awkward pause in the conversation.  
  
“Well, when you die, your body goes to the morgue, which is kind of like a big fridge. Then a person dresses you up and does your hair and puts you into the coffin,” Felix’s mum explained slowly, trying to be as truthful as possible without giving her son endless nightmares.

Felix thought on it for a moment, “That’s really nice of them. Do you think I could do that when I grow up?”.

_‘Everybody’s in the play and don’t you know? It’s a beautiful new day, hey hey!’_

_Shuffle. Fwick.  
_As much as it irritated him, Felix donned his almost too large mask and gloves, the massive face shield dwarfing his tiny frame. With an expert eye, he began mixing up his own custom formalin solution, carefully double checking the measurements before adding them to the mix. All the while, he still hummed along to the music as if he weren’t in a room currently occupied by a dead body.  
  


Kids can be cruel. Felix found this out firsthand when he told his friends about his new dream of death work. Vicious rumours spread, and Felix quickly became the school freak. Even some of the teaching staff did their best to discourage him from pursuing his goal. If anything, Felix became more set in his ambition. Mortuary school was a breeze, and he graduated top of his class. It was only a short few years later that he managed to procure a funeral home of his own for a _concerningly_ low price from a person who _really_ didn’t want to continue the family business. In almost no time at all, Felix had built the business into an award winning, nationally recognised parlour.

‘ _Mr Blue Sky, please tell us why you had to hide away for so long?’_

_Knock Knock._

“Mask up!” Felix called out, barely looking back to see who the intruder could be. He already knew who was knocking. Finishing up his concoction, he turned to wave to his visitor. “Chan! You’re early, how did the service go?” he asked, voice muffled by the respirator.

Chan waved back, fixing his own mask on and tossing his previously crisp suit jacket onto one of the benches. “Pretty okay I think! The family cleared out pretty quick, so we finished up early,” Chan replied, just as muffled. The pair had gotten used to talking this way, mouths concealed behind plastic.  
  
Chan had been working as Felix’s right hand man for a little over two years. A skilled Funeral Director, Chan had a way with people that Felix couldn’t dream of replicating. If he were being honest, Felix couldn’t really cope with people at the best of times, least of all when they were grieving. Chan’s charisma was second to none, and with the organisational talents of their admin manager, Minho - who was already working the role when Felix bought the place – Felix could dedicate his time to tending to the dead. Corpses weren’t put-off by his overly sunny demeanour the way people were.

“Oh, and you’re not gonna believe this!,” Chan continued, digging into the pocket of his pressed slacks to produce a slip of paper, “one of the aunties gave me her number! How wild is that? Like, mate, it’s a funeral!”.

Felix giggled. He wasn’t surprised that Chan was getting hit on all the time, he was absolutely gorgeous. “Christopher Bang! Please don’t solicit the grieving families!” Felix exclaimed in mock scandal, cackling when Chan visibly shuddered in response. He opened his drawer to produce a long steel needle, attaching it securely to the tubes of the embalming machine, holding it up to his guest. “You’re actually just in time, wanna help me out with this?”

Chan, upon realising what Felix was holding, held up his hands and gagged. “I’m good, unless you _really_ need help in which case… actually I’m still good,” he took a step back from Felix, who smiled wide under his respirator. For how brilliant Chan was at running the ceremonies and handling the families, he had a shockingly weak stomach for someone working in this industry.

With no trouble at all, Felix located the carotid artery and pushed the needle in, his mouth setting in a satisfied grin when the formalin mixture began easily pumping into the body. Behind him, he could hear the familiar sounds of Chan rummaging through the steel drawers, setting out the cosmetics that Felix would need once he was finished. It was a comfortable little routine they’d fallen into, Chan popping in after services or hanging out and helping with paperwork when there wasn’t anything else to do that day, chatting about anything and nothing at the same time. Felix would always ask Chan to help him with a particularly grisly task just to see his reaction. Chan – to his credit – was always on deck when Felix really needed a second set of hands, working together like a well-oiled machine.

Every now and then, Chan would turn and just smile at him, for no other reason than because he could. Felix was so desperately, undeniably in love.

Felix had never had a real boyfriend before. Plenty of crushes, one-sided infatuations that never blossomed. The idea of a relationship with Chan gave him butterflies, the kind that warmed his soul and gave him tingles in his fingers. Chan was so kind and charming, perfect boyfriend material. Felix on the other hand would always be the school freak who smiled while he sucked purge from the abdomen of a bloated body. At least he could be comforted in knowing that the patients in his care would be treated with every ounce of kindness he could possibly give.

The pair chatted while Felix absentmindedly massaged the limbs of his patient, ensuring that the embalming fluid reached every appendage. _“Every_ appendage?” Chan would always joke, earning an exasperated sigh and a playful eye-roll in return.

Both men continued chatting while Felix finished up the embalming, shifting to comb and gel the patient’s short hair before moving on to the makeup. Felix listened intently to Chan’s rant about some new popular videogame as they finished the preparation, Chan offering to push the unwieldy gurney into the walk-in like always while Felix cleaned his tools and stripped off his safety gear.

Out of the corner of his eye, Felix watched Chan take off his respirator and fix his hair in the small cabinet mirror. What Felix wouldn’t give to run his fingers through that hair, to slowly feel each soft strand slip through his fingers. It was a pointless endeavour to dream of the things he couldn’t have, and he knew that completely. However, it didn’t make it hurt any less when he did his best to pretend not to notice if their gaze lasted a bit too long, or if innocent touches lingered. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t forget the feeling of strong arms pulling him into warm, friendly hugs. But that was just it – friendly. Chan was a friend. A good, reliable, _beautiful_ friend. Felix on the other hand, was just… Felix. That weird guy who sucks the goop from dead bodies with one hand and signs his paycheck with the other. Chan _couldn’t_ love someone like that. He deserved someone just as wonderful, maybe a florist who always brings him home beautiful arrangements even if he _hasn’t_ had a bad day. Someone… normal.

Chan seemed to notice Felix suddenly lose himself in thought, his lips downturned into a frown. Without a word, he stepped closer and wrapped a comforting arm around his shoulder, softly smiling when Felix instinctively leaned into the touch.

 _Chan couldn’t love someone like me_ , Felix thought.

As if on cue, Chan gently tightened his grip, resting his chin on Felix’s head.

_He couldn’t… could he?_


	2. Chapter 2

“Thank you so much again for meeting with me today, I hope we were able to organise everything for you exactly how you want it. Again, we’re incredibly sorry for the loss of your husband,” Chan held the grieving widow’s hand earnestly as he spoke. She was his last appointment for the day, and frankly, he was ready for a rest. The day had been an exhausting barrage of phone calls and meetings with venues, florists, and families. He was infinitely thankful that this family were quiet grievers, as opposed to his morning appointment with a family who treated him as if he were _personally_ responsible for their uncle’s heart attack.

 _They’re hurting, let them do what they need to do,_ Chan would always say to himself. It was easier for him to take the brunt than let them abuse Minho on the way out. It was how he had always been, for as long as he could remember he took the emotional burden onto himself if it could lighten everyone else’s load. That didn’t mean the extra load didn’t weigh on him.

“Go have a cup of tea, I’ll finish up the phone calls,” Minho didn’t look up as he spoke, but he did notice how Chan took an extra moment after closing the front door.

Chan smiled weakly. “I’ll be okay, I’ve just gotta call the church and then I’ll put an order in for-“ he started, reaching for the file on the desk.

Minho placed his hand down on the file to stop him and looked up. “Tea. Rest. Now.” He raised his eyebrows pointedly.

“Okay, okay. I got it, tea first. Want anything?” Chan sighed in resignation. Minho was hard on him sometimes, but Chan knew it came from a place of caring.

Minho shook his head, “I’m fine, but Felix might want one. I haven’t seen him come out today”.

With a curt nod, Chan ducked back to the kitchen to make the drinks, instinctively reaching first for the Milo powder for Felix. He heated up the milk in the microwave, then loaded the kitten-print mug with a few heaping spoons of the grainy powder. Chan had never met another Aussie that actually drank it hot before, including himself. It almost felt like sacrilege, but it was Felix, so he was okay with it.

It was always Felix.

Chan haphazardly threw together his own cup of tea, not bothering to check which teabag he grabbed, and filling in enough milk to make the drink almost totally white. Grabbing the mugs, he carefully made his way back through the parlour and to the morgue, where Felix was still working away.

“Knock knock!” Chan called out chirpily, waiting for instructions before opening the door. He’d learned early on to always double check first, lest he walk in mask-free during an embalming and have the mortician fret endlessly about his precious lungs. _It’s just his job to care,_ Chan would always think, mentally swatting away any opposing thoughts.

Hearing the all-clear, Chan manoeuvred the old door open. He presented the mug to Felix, letting the warmth of his smile overtake the chill of the mortuary.

“You’re a legend, thank you!” Felix chirped, hugging the mug close to him. God, he was adorable. Chan awkwardly shrugged, scratching the back of his neck with his now free hand. He sat down on one of the rolling stools and scooted his way across to where Felix was standing, looking over his shoulder at the papers on the bench.

“Been busy today I take it?” Chan asked, looking up and noticing the beginnings of dark circles under Felix’s eyes. He was having trouble sleeping again.

Felix shrugged, “Always am, still got one more to go but it’s DC so it should be over quickly. You?”

“Could always be worse. Minho’s gonna finish up for me so if you need help with anything I’m here”. Chan watched the way Felix’s mouth tugged up into a small smile. He knew Felix wouldn’t really talk about what was bothering him, so he resigned himself to helping out around the morgue and giving reassuring hugs where possible. Anything to lighten the load.

Chan sighed softly. He took a sip of his tea and immediately let it dribble back down into the mug with a grimace. Felix clocked the action and started laughing, a melodious sound that perked Chan back up almost immediately.

“Not a fan?” Felix giggled, sipping his own toasty beverage.

Chan pushed the offending mug as far away from him as he could. “It’s flowers, oh god why do people drink flowers? Why do we even _have_ this?” he groaned, flicking his tongue to get the flavour off.

He pretended not to notice the way Felix seemed to watch his tongue move.

Standing up, he reached over to the pile of papers. “Who do you want me to go get?” he asked.

Felix leaned over to check what he was looking at, plucking a sheet from the stack in Chan’s hands. “This one please!” he replied.

Chan swapped the paper Felix was holding for the rest of the pile, and made his way to the walk-in, doing a good job at hiding how on-edge he was. It wasn’t that he was _afraid_ of the freezer per-se, but he’d played a few too many horror games to be completely comfortable in a room stacked with potential zombies. He quickly found his target waiting for him pre-loaded on a gurney, and wheeled him out to where Felix was waiting, following him through to the very back of the building where the retorts were located. Together, they positioned the cardboard coffin and slid it into the chamber, Chan stepping back and watching intently as Felix expertly handled the settings.

It never ceased to amaze him just how intelligent Felix was, or how skilled he’d become at his craft. Chan was the first to admit that he didn’t have the strongest stomach, so it was astonishing the way Felix could look at a body that was months deep in the harsh clutch of decomposition and still treat it so gently and with so much kindness. That was Felix though – kind, loving, gentle. The sort of person who could take your deepest and darkest faults and see past them to love you regardless. His compassion showed on his perfect face and in his bright smile. God, Chan would readily go to war for just a glimpse of that smile.

Yet, no matter how many times he tried, he couldn’t imagine Felix loving him.

Chan’s heart ached as he watched the mortician longingly, wishing he could kiss away those dark circles under his eyes, that he could watch over him while he sleeps and comfort him from the nightmares he only _rarely_ talks about. As loving as Felix was, Chan had convinced himself that he was the one person Felix wouldn’t – _couldn’t_ – love. He was too clumsy, too squeamish. Felix deserved someone equally as clever. In the years they’d known each other, the pair had cultivated a close friendship, one that Chan couldn’t bring himself to put at stake with a love confession. Besides, Felix was also his boss, which probably made things inappropriate, didn’t it?

“You good?” Felix’s voice pulled Chan back to the present.

“Yeah, sorry, was just thinking,” Chan replied feebly.

“Anything interesting?”

 _Yeah, you,_ Chan thought. Instead, he settled for a brief “Nah”.

Felix shrugged and led Chan back through to the mortuary, stopping before the door and checking the time on his phone. “You can clock off now if you want, Minho too, if he’s done,” Felix smiled.

“What about you?” Chan asked, knowing full well that Felix would find excuses to stay late to avoid sleeping. As much as he wanted to probe, he kept the questioning to himself.

Felix waved his hand nonchalantly. “Don’t worry about me, I’ve gotta wait for that to finish anyway,” he gestured to the crematory room.

The pair stood in silence for a moment, eyes locked. Felix shifted anxiously, raising one hand to rub tiredly at his face. Chan knew Felix wasn’t going to take no for an answer, but he didn’t want to leave him alone without making certain that Felix was okay.

“Hey, you’d tell me if something was up right?” he asked softly, to Felix’s surprise.

“Yeah, of course, why?” Felix’s voice cracked slightly, but he played it off like it was nothing.

“Just checking”.

Chan gave Felix a soft, silent pat on the shoulder before reluctantly turning to head back to reception, leaving the mortician to his own devices once more.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> howdy!   
> so sorry for the delay, things have been pretty hectic to say the least!  
> this chapter gets a bit heavy for a moment, but it does give way to lots of supportive friend moments!   
> thank you again for reading, i really appreciate your support!
> 
> tw/cw: minor panic attack in this chapter, description of a body.

“Yo Felix!” a voice emerged from down the far end of the hallway as Felix made his way back into the mortuary. Light spilled in from just around a corner, the sunny rays rising as the back roller door crunched upward, a screeching auditory reminder to hire someone to get it fixed at _some_ point. He steered off his path to follow the noise, smiling as he turned the corner to find Changbin already unloading the van.

“Only one for you today, and a bag of med waste too if that counts,” Changbin held up the heavy, bright-yellow garbage bag and gestured to it, before heaving it up to rest on the end of the gurney and rolling his shoulder as if to reiterate the bag’s weight.

Felix laughed, “Oh please, it’s about time you put those muscles to good use!”, he rolled his eyes for dramatic effect.

“These arms aren’t just good for carrying around _dead_ bodies, just ask Minho,” Changbin smirked.

Felix pretended to gag. “Yep, absolutely could have done without that image on such a bright beautiful day, thanks for that!”

The pair chatted idly while Changbin pushed the gurney back up the hall. Felix briefly stopped for a moment before opening the mortuary door to call out a chirpy ‘hello’ to a tired-looking Chan as he snuck back to the kitchen with a takeaway bag in hand. _Classic Chan,_ Felix smiled fondly, hooking the door open for Changbin to easily manoeuvre the gurney through. Once inside, he filled out the transfer paperwork and sent Changbin on his way for the day. He looked down at his watch, grimacing as the bright 11AM shone back at him. It was about time he started getting some actual work done for the day.

With quick motions _,_ Felix pulled on a pair of fresh latex gloves, feeling the way his recently-applied hand lotion slightly smooshed around under the rubbery surface. It wasn’t pleasant, but it was better than the feeling of dry skin after he took them off. He started with the garish yellow bag, moving it over to its own smaller trolley for cremation later in the day. He pulled out his trusty clipboard and hit the play button on his music. Felix hummed along to with the jaunty crooner singing through his speaker, filling out his paperwork with ease, having memorised all the necessary serials and codes a long time ago. With a satisfied “ _ha!”_ , Felix placed the paperwork into a folder and on top of his done pile.

Once he’d finished that, he turned around to start on the body. Felix carefully unzipped the white plastic body bag to greet his next patient.

In his line of work, Felix Lee had seen a lot.

He’d worked with care on folks of all varieties. He’d seen bodies in varying stages of decay, and a plethora of ages, genders and causes. Occasionally, he’d seen bodies that bore unfortunate resemblances to his friends and loved ones. Sometimes if the story were particularly tragic he’d allow himself to shed a tear or two, but he always made certain to soldier on with a smile.

Something about this particular body however, sent a cold flush like ice water through Felix’s veins. Frozen in place, the mortician looked down at the body on the table and felt nothing but anguish, a deep sadness that hit him out of nowhere, one that he hadn’t felt in many years. Tears threatened to spill over as he stepped backwards. He frantically turned off his music and leaned against the cold steel bench, sliding down to sit on the floor, heart beating a thousand kilometres an hour. He closed his eyes, but he could still see the array of deep bruises smattering the pale skin. Heavy sobs wracked through his chest and Felix let himself cry.

“Felix? Are you okay in there?” Chan’s voice suddenly called out as he knocked lightly on the door.

Felix’s head shot up, wishing that he’d been quieter in his cries. “I’m fine, don’t worry”.

“Are you sure?”.

“Really, I’m okay”.

“You really don’t sound okay? I can get you some-“ Chan asked again, only to be abruptly cut off.

“I said go away Chan! Fuck!” Felix shouted, much more aggressively, immediately regretting his tone but not possessing the will to get up and apologise.

A pause. “Oh, okay. Just checking,” Chan replied, sounding hurt. “I’ll leave you to it”.

Felix put his head in his hands and continued to cry, only looking up when the mortuary door opened. Minho stepped over to him, wordlessly. On his way past, he made sure not to look at the body, lest he draw Felix’s attention back to it. He offered an outstretched hand for Felix, who took it softly.

“I think you should clock off for the day, don’t you?” Minho spoke quietly. Felix sniffled and gave Minho a small nod to the affirmative.

Minho led Felix back through the Parlour and out to his car, giving Chan a knowing nod on the way past.

\---

The apartment keys rattled as Felix unlocked the heavy wooden door. The pleasantly savoury smell wafting through the room calmed him a little bit, and Felix was grateful that his housemate was home on Thursdays.

“Geez, you’re early, don’t tell me the city’s run out of dead people?” his housemate, Jisung, laughed from his spot in the kitchen.

Felix placed his bag down on the table wordlessly. A response that immediately alerted Jisung to a problem. He turned around to face his dishevelled friend.

“Go get changed, we’ll talk about it on the couch okay?” Jisung turned back to the stovetop as Felix moped off to his bedroom to do as he was told. Discarding his lab coat and work clothes, he pulled on his comfiest sweats and trodded dejectedly back out to collapse down onto the couch. Jisung appeared by his side within minutes to offer him a warm bowl of soup, which Felix took gratefully. Jisung sat down on the sofa beside Felix, close enough to be comforting if his friend needed a shoulder to cry on.

“What’s going on bud?” he asked gently.

Felix slurped some of the warm broth. “I had one come in today that just… I couldn’t look at him, Sungie. Like, as soon as I saw him I broke down. I’m probably overreacting I’m sure, but yeah. Something about him just…” he mumbled, pausing to take another slurp.

Jisung nodded, a silent gesture for his friend to keep talking. Felix instead just shrugged with a heavy sigh.

“Bro, your job is rough, like, you’ve seen some shit. You don’t have to be tough all the time, you’re allowed to let it get to you man,” Jisung gently nudged Felix with his elbow. Felix finished the last slurp of his soup and put his bowl down, using his free arms to position himself so that he was lying with his head in Jisung’s lap.

Jisung continued, “It’s okay if you feel upset about it every now and then, it shows you care. It also shows that you’re a real human and not some creepy weirdo who loves dead things for like, _gross_ reasons,” Jisung smirked, and Felix smacked his friend on the thigh with a small laugh. If for nothing else, Jisung had a particular talent for chasing away bad moods in people.

Felix’s face dropped again however when he realised another debacle.

“Sungie, I was really mean to Chan, I bet he hates me now,” Felix lamented, brain flicking through all the possible scenarios in which Chan would decide to quit and never want to see Felix again.

Jisung smacked Felix lightly on the forehead with the back of his spoon. “Felix Lee? Mean to someone? That’s impossible! You’re the epitome of nice!” he laughed, watching Felix try to wipe the soup residue off his face.

“Ew! Gross!” Felix shouted, bolting upright. “And I was! I even swore at him! I don’t know what to do!” he groaned, letting his body fall back against the couch.

Jisung chuckled even more at the admission, “I refuse to believe you’re capable of swearing at another person, especially not Channie!”. He looked over to Felix and clocked the genuine worry on his face. With a sigh, he put his bowl down and turned to face his friend. “Look man, just give him a call and apologise, he’ll understand”.

Felix thought about it for a second and nodded. Chan absolutely deserved an apology, whether he now hated Felix or not.

\---

To say Chan was taken aback by Felix’s shouting at him would be an understatement.

Pacing his office, Chan did his best to think of what could have made Felix so upset. He wondered if maybe he shouldn’t have kept pushing him for an answer and just left him alone like he’d asked. Thankfully, Minho had been around to sort things out, lest the poor mortician be left alone with no support.

Chan eventually decided to head down to the mortuary and tidy up for Felix, a sort of apology gesture. As soon as he entered, he noticed the body bag open on the gurney and decided to start there. With a shiver, Chan zipped the bag up and rolled it, and the med waste trolley, back into the walk-in. Chan muttered his obligatory “ _please don’t turn into zombies and eat my brains”_ mantra as he pushed the gurney and the trolley into a convenient position in the freezer and swiftly made his escape. He stuck around and tidied up some more, even taking time to wipe down all the benches and mop the old linoleum floor as a finishing touch.

Once he was finished, it was close enough to the end of the day that he figured he’d clock out early. Chan said his goodbyes to Minho and headed out to his car, thankful to be done with the day but still worried about Felix. As he drove down the highway, he couldn’t stop thinking about bright, sunny Felix who never let anything get to him. The sounds of his muffled sobs foreign to Chan’s ears yet almost calling him to action. He’d do anything to ease those tears and bring the beautiful smile back to Felix’s face.

After an agonising drive lost in his thoughts, Chan arrived home and bee-lined for the shower. He let the warm water flow over his body, letting his mind go blank to just enjoy the comforting heat. Once he got out, he tossed on a pair of old tracksuit pants and a massive hoodie. Warm and comfortable, he flopped down onto his couch to relax. Before he could reach over for his console controller, his phone began to chime loudly. He reached in the opposite direction to check who was calling him.

Felix.

Chan swallowed, and hit accept.

“Uh, hey Felix,” he answered tentatively.

A short pause. “Hey”, Felix replied, his voice slightly robotic sounding through the receiver.

“What’s up, is everything okay?” Chan asked, careful not to cross any more boundaries.

Felix paused again, this time slightly longer. Chan heard a sigh on the other end.

“Chan, I’m… I’m really sorry for yelling at you, and especially for swearing at you, I shouldn’t have done that I’m sorry! I don’t really know what happened and you were just trying to help and-“ Felix began rambling out his apology, sincerity dripping from his words.

Chan smiled. “Felix?” he interjected.

“Yeah?”

“Wanna go for a Maccas run?” Chan asked, knowing that Felix would understand.

“I’d really like that,” Felix replied, relief in his voice.

Chan’s heart warmed. “I’ll be there in 15, okay?”.

\---

Chan parked up at the local lookout, smiling as Felix dumped out all the fries into the brown paper bag for them both to share. He watched endearingly as Felix popped the cap off his milkshake and started dipping the salty fries into the drink, humming happily as he munched on them. The city lights danced in his eyes, and Chan could only think about how lucky he was to have met this peculiar man.

“You okay?” Felix broke Chan out of his haze, mouth absolutely full of fries.

Chan blinked. “Yeah, just worried about you. You don’t have to talk about it though, sorry for pushing you earlier,” he confessed, rubbing the back of his neck as his cheeks flushed.

Felix swallowed, setting his drink back into the cup-holder. He looked out at the city and sighed. Chan wondered for a moment if he’d messed up again by bringing it up.

“Thank you. I’ll be okay. I’m sorry again for yelling at you, I was just…embarrassed, I guess. You shouldn’t have to deal with my baggage, and I shouldn’t be getting so worked up over things. I won’t do it again. I promise,” Felix avoided Chan’s gaze.

_Baggage?_ Chan thought. The thought crossed his mind that maybe Felix’s life hadn’t been as easy has he had let on. Rather than pry, Chan simply reached a comforting hand over to Felix’s knee, pretending not to notice his passenger turn to look at him curiously.

The pair sat in comfortable silence for a while, Chan’s hand never leaving Felix’s leg. Eventually, he spoke. “Y’know, you don’t have to be embarrassed. Even when you cry, you’re still a wonderful person okay? You’re still you, and I’ll always be here to help you through, no matter what,” Chan spoke softly but earnestly.

Felix looked out at the lights again, and Chan noticed tears starting to spill out over his freckled cheeks. He panicked for a moment, wondering if he’d said something inappropriate. Was he too sappy with Felix? Should he have respected the employer/employee relationship? Chan’s thoughts raced so fast that he didn’t notice Felix was looking right at him.

“Chan,” Felix spoke softly.

Chan swallowed, “Yeah?”.

“Thank you,” Felix smiled, leaning over to give Chan the best hug he could while restricted by the car seats.

Chan went to speak, but instead let his mouth settle into a smile. It was nice being hugged this way by Felix. Their usual hugs were nice of course, but this one had an air of better understanding and deep trust. Chan rested his chin on Felix’s head with a smile. He felt Felix’s warmth and for a moment even considered confessing his feelings right then and there. He wondered if Felix had already figured it out. _It’s not like he could feel the same_ , Chan thought, utterly convinced that he wasn’t worthy of Felix’s love that way. However, the longer Felix held him like that, the more he could dream that one day it might happen.


	4. Chapter 4

“Oh god why is there so much _goop_ ,” Minho waved his hand in front of him to block the sight.

From his seat atop one of the free benches he watched as Felix unzipped a particularly unfortunate body bag.

Felix smirked at Minho, watching him squirm while being careful not to spill the bags contents.

“This right here is active decay in all its glory,” Felix chuckled, “you’ll look like this one day y’know”.

Minho caught a whiff and immediately covered his face, “Glorious, truly. How are you okay with this _smell?_ ” he exclaimed, pulling his tie over his mouth and nose as if it would block out the stench.

Jutting his hip out, Felix pointed at his coat pocket. “In there, might help,” he smiled, watching Minho dive almost too eagerly into the coat, pulling out a small tub of ointment. “Put a glob or two under your nostrils,” Felix offered.

Minho did as he was told, immediately reeling at the sting of the menthol on his face. “Ow what the fuck dude!?” he shouted, tears streaming down his face.

“I bet you can’t smell the body anymore though?” Felix raised an eyebrow and grinned, taking Minho’s defeated shrug as an affirmative, laughing to himself at Minho’s weak threats of violence for the assault on his senses.

Minho regained his composure and kicked Felix gently in the hip. “So this is how you and Chan set the mood, eh?” he waggled his eyebrows suggestively, cackling loudly when Felix dropped his instruments, sending them clanging to the floor unceremoniously.

“Wh- No! What? We aren’t-“ Felix sputtered

“Oh _please._ You know there’s no way he spends so much time in here because he loves the smell,” Minho shrugged, watching the blush creep up Felix’s neck and cheeks as he picked up his tools and kept working.

Felix let himself for a moment believe that maybe Chan did come down specifically for his company. Chan was pretty squeamish and absolutely _hated_ the freezer, so it was kind of odd that he spent all of his free time down in the mortuary helping out. _He just feels sorry that you have to do the body work yourself, that’s all_ , Felix sighed. He mentally kicked himself for trying to justify Chan’s actions. Chan, who was charming and gorgeous, who could sweep a person off their feet with a smile. Chan, who could have anyone he wanted. Why would he stoop for a freak like Felix? Tears danced along his waterlines and he cursed himself silently for being so emotional. He looked up and blinked a few times, dissipating the only physical proof of his emotional plight.

He wasn’t subtle enough however, as Minho clocked the motion with recognition. Sighing, he hopped off the bench and leaned back against the countertop, reaching a tentative hand out to softly poke Felix’s arm.

“Hey, I know you like him. I wouldn’t joke about it if I didn’t think you two had a real chance,” he spoke earnestly, the sharp contrast to his earlier tone making Felix turn and eye him quizzically.

“Thanks. I wish I could believe you though,” Felix mumbled.

It was enough that Minho could tell the conversation was over. He kindly bid Felix farewell and left the mortuary to finish up his own work for the day.

Felix sighed heavily, placing his tools down and looking down at the body in the bag. He’d easily managed to get the pacemaker out of the severely decayed form, so it was only a matter now of placing everything in a cardboard casket and sending this patient into the flames. Nobody would be collecting these ashes, and Felix couldn’t help but empathise with the poor unclaimed body. He promised he’d spend a few extra moments of silence for him as he burned up into the great beyond.

-

Felix looked at the clock with a frown. He’d already worked an hour overtime, and still had bodies left to prepare to make space for the next day’s transfers. With a pang of guilt, he pulled out his phone and flicked Jisung a text.

 **[7:03] Lixie:** hey sorry to be a pain but im gonna work late, hope you weren’t waiting around. You can use the car tonight if u want!  
 **[7:06] Sungie:** yo it’s all good, jinnie came over anyway. when do u want me to get u??  
 **[7:08] Lixie:** oh okay, don’t worry, i’ll get Jeongin to grab me, you two have fun ;)  
 **[7:12] Sungie:** trust me, ur gonna be glad you aren’t home tonight xx  
 **[7:14] Lixie:** g r o s s

Something in his chest tightened uncomfortably and Felix swatted the jealous feeling away. Not that he was jealous of Jisung or Hyunjin, but he wished he knew what it felt to have someone to come home to and to hold in his arms and…

_Knock knock._

“Hello?” Felix called out, wondering why he was getting visitors so late after closing. He hadn’t heard anyone else in the building for a while.

Chan poked his head in a bit and smiled wide before finally pushing through the heavy door. “What are you still doing here?” he gently tossed his suit jacket on a nearby bench and approached Felix.

“Oh, I’ve still gotta do two more for tomorrow, what are you still doing here?” Felix shot back a question of his own.

Chan put up his hands in defence. “Paperwork. Sometimes it feels like it never ends,” he chuckled, moving to pluck a pair of latex gloves out of the box on the wall, “I’ll help you”.

Felix smiled. He could always count on Chan to go out of his way to help. With feigned frustration he gently swatted at the man, revelling in his little giggles.

“No, it’s so late, you go home! I’m fine!” Felix insisted, but Chan was clearly having none of it.

“Four hands are faster than two! Although your hands are wonderful…” Chan trailed off a bit. His eyes lingering on Felix’s small hands, in awe of the skill they possess. How amazing it would feel to be able to hold those hands in his own clumsy ones, feeling the softness and warmth and _love_.

Chan snapped himself back out of his thoughts. “A-and besides, it would be irresponsible to leave you here alone at night – this place is _super_ haunted! What kind of friend would I be if I left you to the mercy of the ghosts?” He chuckled, ignoring the way his voice cracked slightly on the word ‘friend’. He also did his absolute best to ignore the flush of pink on Felix’s cheeks as well, but the latter proved to be a far greater challenge.

With a laugh and a playful eyeroll, Felix got back to work, letting Chan help in all the ways he knew how. They moved through the space like a well-oiled machine, the years of working together making them perceptive to each other without a word spoken. Chan knew exactly what to do to help as best he could without hindering Felix’s procedure, and Felix knew when to put the tools down and let Chan take over. Balanced and trusting.

Perfect.

Felix hummed gently to the music, noticing the way Chan would ever so quietly hum along gentle harmonies. Even their voices were perfect together, lilting through the space, echoing sweetly in a way that gave Felix goosebumps. He switched on his airbrush and began applying foundation to the woman he was working on, carefully brightening her features.

Chan watched as he washed the hair of the body that he was working on. His heart swelled as he watched the way Felix’s lips pouted softly in concentration. Briefly, Chan wondered if that was how Felix pouted when he kissed. Without warning, his mind filled with images of Felix pulling him into different kisses – from peppering sweet pecks across his freckles and sleepy morning kisses, to more passionate ones in the backseat of his car and on his bed late at night. What would Felix look like sprawled on his sheets waiting for him?

“You okay?” Felix quizzed, watching the way Chan’s eyes glazed over and his hands slowed.

With an almost too-quick jerk, Chan shot his head up. And audible click came from his neck and he winced in on himself, watching as Felix’s face went from genuine concern to kind giggles.

With a weak thumbs up Chan focussed back on his task, chastising himself internally for thinking about Felix like that. Felix was so frustratingly perfect, there wouldn’t be a chance in hell that he’d settle for.. well.. him. He’d spent more nights than he could count awake in bed, tossing and turning as he lamented his predicament. How cruel it was for his soulmate to be so achingly close, yet so far out of reach of his big, clumsy hands. No matter how he tried to simply tell himself he needed to move on, Felix would always be there. Every beaming smile shooting through his heart like an arrow, piercing him yet healing him all the same.

Chan used every chance to not just spend time with Felix, but to learn about Felix’s passion. He watched intently when the mortician would show him something, cataloguing the instructions but never quite able to get them right. Regardless, he would always be there to push heavy things and wash hair. Simple things, but he hoped they were enough to lessen the load.

-

Four hands really did seem to make light work, and Felix remarked as such as Chan pushed the final body back into the walk-in. Yawning, he shucked off his coat and hung it up near the door, the familiarity of the cool air on his body not making him shiver any less. He swiftly hauled his backpack up in a vain attempt to save some of the heat on his back.

Chan closed up and the pair walked out to the driveway.

“Oh, where’s your car?” he asked casually.

Felix shrugged, pulling out his phone. “I gave it to Jisung for the day cause he needed to pick some stuff up. It’s all good though, I’ll get Jeongin to get me, I’ll probably stay with him tonight cause the house is… occupied” he replied with a smile and a shiver in feigned disgust.

Chan laughed. “Nah, come on, you can stay at mine. We’ll grab some dinner on the way home yeah?”

Felix felt the pesky butterflies in his chest again. He wasn’t by any means surprised that Chan jumped at the chance to help someone. They climbed into Chan’s old Commodore, Felix settling into the familiar passenger seat contently. Putting his bag down between his feet, he reached up and absently smacked at the absurd number of air freshener trees hanging bunched on the rear-view mirror. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Chan smile at the action as he started up the car.

They spent the drive singing along to old school classics, only stopping when they pulled into the drive through at a late night burger place. The poor cashier at the window shook her head as the pair of them playfully argued over who’s credit card was going to tap the machine first to cover dinner. In times like these Felix allowed himself to briefly forget about his guilt and simply be in the moment with Chan, drinking in his boisterous laugh and admiring his profile as he sang unashamedly to some ridiculous 80’s song.

Eventually they made it back to Chan’s apartment, dumping down their bags. Chan stopped to grab the two blankets off the sofa and motioned for Felix to join him out on the balcony. Together, they sat cross-legged on one of the blankets and ate, watching the city lights flicker below them.

Chan looked over at Felix, smiling at the way he sat wrapped in the blanket. His hands poked out from the warm cocoon to hold the absurdly large soda cup up to his mouth, where he sipped on the straw absently. How desperately Chan wanted to take a picture of that moment, to keep a reminder of how unbelievably, frustratingly cute Felix looked. Memories, however, would have to suffice.

Eventually, Felix placed the soda cup on the ground and wiggled to face Chan, who quirked his eyebrow in response.

“Um… I just… I wanted to properly thank you if that’s okay?” Felix asked tentatively.

“Oh, yeah of course, but you really don’t have to, Seungmin won’t mind a guest, he’ll probably go straight to bed when he gets-“ Chan started, only to be abruptly cut off.

“No that’s… I mean, thank you for letting me stay over of course, but that’s not what I meant,” he took a deep breath and sighed. “Thank you for being there for me all the time, and for being my friend even though I’m.. I don’t know… weird I guess”.

Chan properly sat up at Felix’s words. He shifted his own seat so the pair were fully face to face. “Wait, lix, why would you say that?” he asked, genuinely concerned. It wasn’t like Felix to be openly down on himself like that. At least not this sincerely.

Felix tightened the blanket around him as if it would protect him from harm. He’d already opened up this much, he may as well be honest with Chan. “Because… I’m too happy about dead bodies and stuff. People have told me that it’s really weird how okay I am with it. Why is playing dress-up with dead people my idea of meditation? Like, what kid decides their dream in life is to work with rotting corpses? What kind of person would want to be friends with someone like that?” Felix’s voice began to falter.

“I’m nobody, I don’t deserve you all in my life. I don’t know why you’re all so nice to me. I’m… a _freak._ Just like they all said,” Felix buried his face in the blanket, but Chan could still see the gentle rise and fall of his shoulders as he sobbed quietly.

Was this how Felix really saw himself? Beautiful, brilliant Felix, who put his needs aside to help grieving families? Chan couldn’t bring himself to believe what he’d heard. He so desperately didn’t want to believe it. The air in his lungs felt as if it had been punched out of him as a deep sadness washed over his soul. For so long he’d believed that Felix didn’t let things get to him, completely oblivious to the suffering he’d been though. The bruising in his heart had been laid bare to Chan, and he loathed to think that they weren’t the only bruises Felix had suffered in his life simply for being too kind. As he watched Felix curled in on himself and sobbing softly in front of him, the sadness in his soul boiled into anger. A seething, burning hatred toward anyone who had ever wronged Felix. How anyone could want to crush this beautiful soul so badly he couldn’t tell, but god, the urge to knock on ever door in the city and weed out the scum was insatiable.

Taking a deep breath, Chan reached out and wrapped his arm around Felix’s body, pulling him into a hug. He tamped down on the anger for now, but he would always hold bitter resentment.

When it seemed clear Felix wasn’t going to pull away, Chan tightened the hug. With his free hand, he reached up and lifted Felix’s face gently. “Hey, look at me. None of that is true, do you understand me?” Chan spoke softly but sternly, “Lee Felix, you are spectacular. You are a brightness in a world that doesn’t deserve you. You deserve so, so much love. More than you will ever know, okay?”

Felix rubbed the tears from his eyes and sniffled. He smiled weakly up at Chan. “Thank you Channie, but you don’t have to be nice to me just cause I’m technically your boss”.

Chan squeezed Felix a little tighter and smiled. “I promise I’m not just saying that. God, I’ve been in love with you that long that you couldn’t get me to believe you weren’t perfect!” he chuckled.

Felix froze, and Chan realised his admission far too late.

A million thoughts flew through Felix’s head in that moment, but all were drowned out by one unrelenting echo. _In love with you,_ Felix’s mind repeated over and over, like he was trying to comprehend what he’d heard. He desperately tried to rationalise the confession, to come up with a way – any way – that he’d misunderstood. Looking up, he recognised vulnerability in Chan’s eyes. Sincerity, too.

Chan pulled away from the hug, his whole body feeling like it had been flipped inside out. “I’m so.. I’m sorry, I didn’t… I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable I understand if you-“

“You love me?” Felix asked quietly, voice trembling.

Chan swallowed thickly. “Yeah,” he answered, “for a long time now. I understand if you don’t want to stay tonight. I also understand if you want me to find work someplace else”.

Felix’s heart rate soared as he truly realised what this meant. Chan – suave, beautiful, kind Chan loved him. Chan loved _him._

“Don’t – Don’t leave. Please,” Felix reached out and grabbed Chan’s arm. “I love you too, so much”.

It was Chan’s turn to short-circuit, his brain trying to process the idea that Felix loved him back. A concept that for so long had felt so out of reach, too much of a dream. The sleepless nights had all become worth it in more ways than Chan could articulate.

“Can I kiss you?” Chan asked quietly.

Felix blushed. “I don’t really know how, but I’d like to give it a try,” he replied, embarrassed at the admission, but grateful that Chan didn’t immediately burst out laughing at him.

If Chan had said he wasn’t surprised that Felix hadn’t kissed before, he would be lying. How could such a beautiful man exist in this world unkissed? A _travesty_ , if you asked him. He also realised the implication of that statement, and selfishly hoped that he could help Felix achieve more firsts than just a kiss.

Moving the empty food wrappers aside, Chan did his best to set the scene right for Felix. If he were going to be Felix’s first kiss, by god he was going to make sure it was as perfect as he could make it.

“Now, we’ll go slow, you tell me when you want to stop okay?” Chan twisted to face Felix, who was still sitting flush against him. He lifted his hand to cup Felix’s perfect face. “You ready?”

Felix felt like his body was going to explode with anticipation. He tilted his head to face Chan, leaning in slightly to the touch. Their faces moved closer, noses bumping softly together and making Felix giggle. He shivered at the feeling of Chan’s hot breath on his face, and instinctively closed his eyes.

Chan took it as a sign to press forward, tilting his chin just slightly so their lips pressed together tenderly.

Surprised by the feeling, Felix let out a little hum, feeling the way Chan’s lips tugged into a small smile. Feeling a little daring, Felix parted his lips a touch and leaned a little further in, a subtle gesture for Chan to deepen their kiss.

Chan was more than happy to oblige, his tongue slowly tracing Felix’s bottom lip, before dipping between and into his mouth. Sliding his hand back towards the nape of Felix’s neck, Chan deepened the kiss further, careful not to overwhelm his less-experienced partner. The sweet, syrupy taste of Felix’s soda still subtly flavoured his lips, but he otherwise tasted better than Chan could have ever imagined.

After what seemed like a comfortable amount of time, Chan pulled back and broke the kiss. He watched fondly as Felix’s eyes fluttered open, the twinkling of the city lights illuminating his perfect face and making Chan’s heart soar. “Was that okay?” he asked tentatively.

Rather than speak, Felix leaned back in and kissed Chan again, already starting to get the hang of the motions. They sat together for a while longer, exploring each other’s mouths, Felix getting bolder by the moment, so bold as to venture up to Chan’s ear where he left gentle kisses that made the older moan softly.

When they pulled apart finally, Felix looked up at Chan shyly. “So um, are we? Can we be.. um?” he asked, knowing the answer but still nervous about the reply.

Chan chuckled softly, “Yeah little one, we can”.

Felix launched forward and tackled Chan into a hug, their harmonious laughter drifting into the night air, broken only by the sound of two text messages.

Both Chan and Felix checked their phones.

 **[11:38] Minho:** Has sent an attachment.  
 **[11:38] Minho:** I TOLD YOU THAT YOU SHOULD GO FOR IT

Felix opened the photo to see a voyeuristic photograph of him and Chan kissing, taken from the living room of the apartment. They both whipped around to see Seungmin standing nonchalantly in the kitchen munching on a piece of plain bread. Looking up, he gave them a thumbs up before walking to his room.

Felix couldn’t help but laugh hysterically. Chan however, looked at both his and Felix’s phones quizzically.

“Wait,” he said, “you got the same message?”

Felix dialled back his laughter enough to speak. “Yeah, why?” he asked offhandedly, before his jaw dropped. “That little bitch!” he grabbed his phone again and furiously typed out a reply.

 **[11:44] Felix:** YOU KNEW  
 **[11:44] Felix:** YOU KNEW AND YOU DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING  
 **[11:46] Minho:** love you both! <3

Felix let out another laugh, collapsing back onto Chan, who wrapped his arms tightly around his new boyfriend. The cityscape glittered back at them as they sat intertwined.

“It’s late, wanna come to bed?” Chan asked, giving Felix a smooch on the top of his head.

Felix smiled, feeling real, true happiness in every fibre of his being in a way he had never felt before.

“Yeah, I’d like that”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaah, this is the end! we made it! 
> 
> for reals tho, thank you all so much for reading and supporting this weird story, i appreciate every one of you that stuck it out this far, I hope that it was worth it in the end.
> 
> <3 <3 <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you again for reading, I really look forward to finishing this fic!  
> If you enjoyed it I'd love to know in a comment or kudos! <3


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